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Quick, Funny Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

By: Unknown On: Thursday, July 26, 2012
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  • 25 Quick, Funny Comebacks to "Why aren't you married yet?"

    1. You haven't asked yet.

    2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

    3. What? And spoil my great sex life?

    4. Nobody would believe me in white.

    5. Because I just love hearing this question.

    6. Just lucky, I guess.

    7. It gives my mother something to live for.

    8. My fiance is awaiting his/her parole.

    9. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

    10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

    11. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

    12. It didn't seem worth a blood test.

    13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

    14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

    15. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

    16. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

    17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

    18. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

    19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

    20. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

    21. We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it.

    22. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

    23. Why aren't you thin?

    24. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

    25. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.


    Starting Salary for a College Grad

    By: Unknown On: Thursday, July 26, 2012
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  • Here's a great, funny short joke ...

    Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you expecting?"

    The Engineer replied, "I was thinking about $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package of course."

    The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental benefits, company matching retirement fund up to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - let's say perhaps, a cherry red Corvette?"

    The Engineer stood strait up and said, "Wow, Dear God! Are you kidding?"

    The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

    Funny Radio Show Gig

    By: Unknown On: Thursday, July 26, 2012
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  • A good friend of mine sent me this hilarious joke, who got it from I hope you get a good laugh out of it..

    You know how they do gigs on radio shows sometimes? Well, this is what happened on this particular radio show one day; it was live:

    On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If they are, then the person is asked three private, personal questions and the significant others name as well as their work number. If the significant other answers each question the same, then they are winners. This particular day it got real interesting and very funny:

    DJ: "HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know 'Mate Match'?"

    Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

    DJ: "What is your name? First name only please."

    Contestant: "Brian."

    DJ: "Are you married or what Brian?"

    Brian: "Yep."

    DJ: "Yes? Does this mean you are 'married' or what, Brian?"

    Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes I'm married."

    DJ: "Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what's your wife's name? First only please, Brian."

    Brian: "Sara."0

    DJ: "Is Sara at work Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

    DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work right now?"

    Brian: (laughing) "Yes she is at work."0

    DJ: "All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?"

    Brian: "She's gonna kill me."

    DJ: "BRIAN! Stay with me here man."

    Brian: "About 8 this morning."

    DJ: "Atta boy."

    Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

    DJ: "Okay, Question #2: How long did it last?"

    Brian: "About 10 minutes."

    DJ: "Wow! You must really want that trip huh? No one would ever have admitted that if it there weren't a trip at stake."

    Brian: "Yeah, it would be really nice."

    DJ: "Okay, final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?"

    Brian: (laughing hard) "I ummmmm..."

    DJ: "Ooh this sounds good Brian; where was it?"

    Brian: "Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time."

    DJ: "Ooooooh, sneaky boy!"

    Brian: "On the kitchen table."

    DJ: "Not that great? That's more adventurous than the last hundred times I've done it. Anyway, (speaking to the audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." (Advertisements)

    DJ: (Speaking to the audience) "Let's call Sara, shall we?" (Touch tones...*ringing*)

    DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"

    Clerk: "This is she."

    DJ: "Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

    Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

    DJ: "Well, a while anyway. He's also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, sooooo, do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

    Sara: "No." DJ: "Good."

    Brian: (laughing)

    Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the Hell are you up to?"

    Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?"

    Sara: "Oh, Brian."

    DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World."

    Sara: "All right."

    Brian: (laughing)

    DJ: "All right, when did you have sex last, Sara?"

    Sara: "Oh God, Brian...this morning before going to work."

    DJ: "What time?" Sara: "About 8, I think." (sound effect) DING DING DING.

    DJ: "Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?"

    Sara: "Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, maybe 14 minutes I think." DING DING DING.

    DJ: "Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood."

    DJ: "Last question: where did you do it?"

    Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!?"

    Brian: "Just tell him honey."

    DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"

    Sara: "Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."

    DJ: "SHE SAW?!?!"

    Sara: "BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!"

    Brian: "NO, no she didn't."

    DJ: "Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. What's your answer?"

    Sara: "Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this."

    Brian: "Come on honey, it's for a trip to Florida."

    DJ: "Let's go, Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?"

    Sara: "In the ass." (long pause)

    DJ: "We will be right back." (advertisements)

    DJ: "I'm sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida. Congratulations guys!"