Can You Memorize These Computer Acronyms?

1. PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
2. ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
3. APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
4. SCSI = System Can't See It
5. DOS = Defective Operating System
6. BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
7. IBM = I Blame Microsoft
8. DEC -Do Expect Cuts
9. CD-ROM
10. Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
11. WWW = World Wide Wait
12. MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
13. PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
14. COBOL = Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
15. AMIGA = A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
16. LISP = Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
17. MIPS = Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
18. WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
19. GIRO = Garbage In Rubbish Out
20. MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

Source:  http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Computer-Jokes/Computer-Acronyms.html

Are You Addicted to the Net?

Top Signs of Net Addiction

• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
• You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
• You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
• You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
• You start using smileys in your snail mail.
• Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.

Little Eric

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.  'Write it down,' he said, 'and

Technical Support Calls

The following are a number of transcribed conversations to technical support departments:

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Christine says: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute.. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my
desk.. Sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and --.
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.' I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

==============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies..

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer:

Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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And last, but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Mickey, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!