An Italian Boy's Confession

This could only happen with a little Italian kid..

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned..  I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Maria Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her...'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My 2 lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you. '

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

4 months vacation and five good leads.

Why Dad's Should NOT be Allowed to Shop for Their Babies

These funny shirts are really good reasons why Dad's shouldn't be allowed to shop for their babies.

 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers! 

Poor Little David - Funny Joke About Classroom Stories

What a cute joke this is. I thought it was quite humorous. lol

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.'


The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little David Aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' said David, 'He plays for the Edmonton Oilers but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'

Seamus, The Newfoundland Farmer

Newfie farmer....(can't fool those Newfies)

Newfoundland farmer named Seamus was in a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie,

Kitty Story

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew..