How the Angel Became Atop the Christmas Tree - Funny Christmas Joke

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house.

Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax. When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down.

Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sleigh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatened "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?" And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.  

Source: http://www.jokecenter.com

Mischievous Kid

Here's a funny joke about a mischievous kid (grandchild) acts out during a shopping trip and his grandpa tries to maintain his sanity.

There's a woman in a grocery store who happens to take notice of a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3 year old grandson at every turn.

It was obvious gramps had his hands full with the mischievous kid, screaming out for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long; easy boy.'

Another outburst and the woman hears gramps calmly say, 'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the shopping cart and gramps again in a controlled voice said, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.'

Very impressed, the woman went up to gramps as he's loading his grandchild and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, I realize it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.'

'Thanks, lady,' replied gramps, 'But I'm Albert . . . the little tyrant's name is Johnny.'

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Short Funny Joke About Friends Kids Careers

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's fantabulous! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

One Day When Heaven Became Crowded

One day in Heaven, it became quite crowded, so a decision was made for just one day to only accept those people who passed away while having a very bad day.

At the pearly gates of Heaven, St. Peter stood and said to the first man, "Tell me about your day and how you died."

The man replied, "Oh, it was terrible. I was convinced that my wife was having an affair with another man, so I went home early expecting to catch her with him. I looked everywhere in our apartment, but had no luck finding him anywhere. I then went out on the balcony, way up on the 25th floor, and found some guy literally hanging over the edge by just his fingertips. I ran inside, grabbed a hammer, and hammered his hands. He ended up falling and landed in the bushes below. After that, I went to the fridge and was so angered that I managed to push it over the balcony and watched it crush the guy. The strain of the act caused me to have a heart attack, which ended up killing me."

St. Peter could not deny that this man had a pretty bad day, and seeing that it was a crime of passion, he allowed the man into Heaven.

Next man in line was asked the same question about how his day was when he died.

"Well, sir, it was painful and brutal. "I was exercising on the balcony of my apartment on the 26th floor, doing aerobics when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grip onto the balcony of the apartment below, then some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. I ended up falling and luckily landed in the bushes. All of a sudden, the same maniac pushed his refrigerator off the balcony and it crushed me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and thought to himself that he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about your day and how you died?” he said to the third man waiting in line to get into Heaven.

"Well okay, picture me purely naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Your Dog Is Keeping Me Awake - Funny Short Joke

John, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:00 A.M. by his ringing telephone.
"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.
John thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely 4:00 A.M., John called his neighbor back.
"Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don't have a dog."

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

Funny Patent Joke

This joke is funny! I hope you find the humor in it too. Comment if you like.

This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.

He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."

"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle."

"A fottle?

That's a stupid name. Can you think of something else?"

"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."

"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.

"A farton."

"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that."

"In that case," says the man, "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

Source: Squido 

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

Could This be the First Politician?

An archaeological team, digging in Washington DC, has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what's believed to be the first Politician.

Source: Thanks To Duncan for sharing this funny joke.

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

How To Tell When It's Time For A Vacation

Take this little Stress Test to find out whether you need a vacation.

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.

The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.

A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.

No Need to Reply, I'll be on Vacation Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out of it alive anyway.

Source: Thanks to Cathy for sharing this funny stress test joke

Jim's Anniversary Present - Funny Short Joke

Jim was in trouble. He had forgotten that the next day was his Wedding Anniversary. His wife was getting quite fumed suspecting that her husband forgot. She ended up advising him, "Tomorrow morning, I trust I will find a present from you in our driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BEST BE THERE!!" So, the next morning arrived and Jim got ready and left for work bright and early. When Jim's wife awoke, she scrambled to to window to peek and see if her husband took her to heart. Low and behold, she sure enough took notice of a box that was gift-wrapped right in the middle of the driveway. Somewhat confused, Jim's wife threw on her robe and ran out to the driveway. She brought the box into the house. She opened it and found a brand spanking new bathroom weight scale. Since then, Jim has been missing... I thought this joke was quite hilarious. It's not meant to offend anyone, so please don't be. It's only a joke...meant to be funny and make you laugh. Please laugh with me. :) Thanks much, Cheers.