Starting Salary for a College Grad

Here's a great, funny short joke ...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you expecting?"

The Engineer replied, "I was thinking about $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package of course."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental benefits, company matching retirement fund up to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - let's say perhaps, a cherry red Corvette?"

The Engineer stood strait up and said, "Wow, Dear God! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Funny Radio Show Gig

A good friend of mine sent me this hilarious joke, who got it from http://www.activejokes.com. I hope you get a good laugh out of it..

You know how they do gigs on radio shows sometimes? Well, this is what happened on this particular radio show one day; it was live:

On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If they are, then the person is asked three private, personal questions and the significant others name as well as their work number. If the significant other answers each question the same, then they are winners. This particular day it got real interesting and very funny:

DJ: "HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

DJ: "What is your name? First name only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Are you married or what Brian?"

Brian: "Yep."

DJ: "Yes? Does this mean you are 'married' or what, Brian?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes I'm married."

DJ: "Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what's your wife's name? First only please, Brian."

Brian: "Sara."0

DJ: "Is Sara at work Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work right now?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes she is at work."0

DJ: "All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She's gonna kill me."

DJ: "BRIAN! Stay with me here man."

Brian: "About 8 this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Okay, Question #2: How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You must really want that trip huh? No one would ever have admitted that if it there weren't a trip at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, it would be really nice."

DJ: "Okay, final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I ummmmm..."

DJ: "Ooh this sounds good Brian; where was it?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time."

DJ: "Ooooooh, sneaky boy!"

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great? That's more adventurous than the last hundred times I've done it. Anyway, (speaking to the audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." (Advertisements)

DJ: (Speaking to the audience) "Let's call Sara, shall we?" (Touch tones...*ringing*)

DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while anyway. He's also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, sooooo, do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sara: "No." DJ: "Good."

Brian: (laughing)

Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the Hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?"

Sara: "Oh, Brian."

DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World."

Sara: "All right."

Brian: (laughing)

DJ: "All right, when did you have sex last, Sara?"

Sara: "Oh God, Brian...this morning before going to work."

DJ: "What time?" Sara: "About 8, I think." (sound effect) DING DING DING.

DJ: "Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?"

Sara: "Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, maybe 14 minutes I think." DING DING DING.

DJ: "Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood."

DJ: "Last question: where did you do it?"

Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!?"

Brian: "Just tell him honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"

Sara: "Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: "SHE SAW?!?!"

Sara: "BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!"

Brian: "NO, no she didn't."

DJ: "Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. What's your answer?"

Sara: "Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this."

Brian: "Come on honey, it's for a trip to Florida."

DJ: "Let's go, Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?"

Sara: "In the ass." (long pause)

DJ: "We will be right back." (advertisements)

DJ: "I'm sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida. Congratulations guys!"

The Orange, Lemon and Egg Magic Trick by Criss Angel - Amazing Magic Trick on Video

This is one of the most amazing tricks I've ever seen. Criss Angel does some mind baffling magic. This video is stunning.

Funny IRS Audits Grandpa Joke

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!

More Funny Pictures

Hello all you jokesters, I hope you like the newest funny pics I've added here.

To see the rest go to the page Funny Collection of Pictures

One Day When Heaven Became Crowded

One day in Heaven, it became quite crowded, so a decision was made for just one day to only accept those people who passed away while having a very bad day.

At the pearly gates of Heaven, St. Peter stood and said to the first man, "Tell me about your day and how you died."

The man replied, "Oh, it was terrible. I was convinced that my wife was having an affair with another man, so I went home early expecting to catch her with him. I looked everywhere in our apartment, but had no luck finding him anywhere. I then went out on the balcony, way up on the 25th floor, and found some guy literally hanging over the edge by just his fingertips. I ran inside, grabbed a hammer, and hammered his hands. He ended up falling and landed in the bushes below. After that, I went to the fridge and was so angered that I managed to push it over the balcony and watched it crush the guy. The strain of the act caused me to have a heart attack, which ended up killing me."

St. Peter could not deny that this man had a pretty bad day, and seeing that it was a crime of passion, he allowed the man into Heaven.

Next man in line was asked the same question about how his day was when he died.

"Well, sir, it was painful and brutal. "I was exercising on the balcony of my apartment on the 26th floor, doing aerobics when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grip onto the balcony of the apartment below, then some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. I ended up falling and luckily landed in the bushes. All of a sudden, the same maniac pushed his refrigerator off the balcony and it crushed me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and thought to himself that he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about your day and how you died?” he said to the third man waiting in line to get into Heaven.

"Well okay, picture me purely naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Funny, Sarcastic, Witty Quotes

Here's some awfully funny, sarcastic and witty quotes:

• You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
• Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• Talk is cheap, but that's okay, so are you.
• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder, it would be an apocalypse!
• This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
• A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
• Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
• Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
• Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.
• Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
• Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
• He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
• I bet you get bullied a lot.
• I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
• I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
• I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
• I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

Read More

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

A Funny Christmas to Treasure And Always Remember

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go; you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

I can't wait until next Christmas!

Source: Thanks to Duncan R for sharing this funny joke.

A Humorous 5-Minute Management Course

Lessons To Be Learned - The 5-Minute Management Course


Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'  

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' 


Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.  

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After regaining control of the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand, but after changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. 

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 

Moral of the story:

Bull Crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy; 
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend; and 
(3) When you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!  

This Ends The 5 Minute Management Course


Source: E-mailed to me by Duncan, thanks for sharing this Duncan :) 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers! 

Funny Cheese Commercial

Here's a superb, humorous Cheese Commercial that was e-mailed to me by my friend Cathy awhile ago. Too Funny; what doesn't kill you can truly make you stronger. :)

Some Last Words

Browsing Old Cemeteries

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...
Some funny fascinating and hilarious things on old tombstones!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The Good Die Young.
=============================
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace
wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him for not rising.
===============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
==============================
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
================================
A lawyer's epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
=================================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
==================================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
==================================
In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent.
Until I know which way you went.

Ever Seen a Human Resemble a Turkey? lol This is Funny

Human  Turkey

Cute Funny Video of Baby Throwing Pool Balls Into The Pockets

This is such a cute, funny video of a baby throwing pool balls and ironically getting them all in the pockets. LMAO. Too Funny.

Amazing Baby - More amazing video clips are a click away

Funny Video Clip of a Truck Going off the Highway

This video clip freaked me out! If nobody got hurt or injured, than it is quite humorous!

 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers!

Funny, Cute Video Clip of a Startled Little Hamster

This hamster must have been sleeping with his eyes open or something lol. Poor startled little thing! Very cute and funny I thought. :o)

Funny Video Clip of a Cat Ruling a Dog - lol

This video clip is funny! Tough kitty or wimpy dog? I found it to be humorous and hope you do too. :)  lol

Saturday Night Bath - Funny Joke About Nuns

This joke's about two Nun's who are told different things by Father John during Saturday night Bath Time. The end result is pretty funny.

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord
keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace.

And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriele's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years."

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers! 

Poor Little David - Funny Joke About Classroom Stories

What a cute joke this is. I thought it was quite humorous. lol

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.'


The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little David Aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' said David, 'He plays for the Edmonton Oilers but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'

Worse Parents Ever - Funny Video

This is a funny video of parents trying to scare their kids after they stayed up all night watching Chainsaw Massacre. They got em pretty good. lol

 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers!

Bob Rescues Choking Woman - Funny Video

This video is hilarious. I had read a joke about this happening called "Bob Rescues Woman From Choking", but I hadn't seen the video of it until now. I got good laugh out of it and hope you do too. :)

 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers!