Funny Radio Show Gig

A good friend of mine sent me this hilarious joke, who got it from http://www.activejokes.com. I hope you get a good laugh out of it..

You know how they do gigs on radio shows sometimes? Well, this is what happened on this particular radio show one day; it was live:

On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If they are, then the person is asked three private, personal questions and the significant others name as well as their work number. If the significant other answers each question the same, then they are winners. This particular day it got real interesting and very funny:

DJ: "HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

DJ: "What is your name? First name only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Are you married or what Brian?"

Brian: "Yep."

DJ: "Yes? Does this mean you are 'married' or what, Brian?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes I'm married."

DJ: "Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what's your wife's name? First only please, Brian."

Brian: "Sara."0

DJ: "Is Sara at work Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work right now?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes she is at work."0

DJ: "All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She's gonna kill me."

DJ: "BRIAN! Stay with me here man."

Brian: "About 8 this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Okay, Question #2: How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You must really want that trip huh? No one would ever have admitted that if it there weren't a trip at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, it would be really nice."

DJ: "Okay, final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I ummmmm..."

DJ: "Ooh this sounds good Brian; where was it?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time."

DJ: "Ooooooh, sneaky boy!"

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great? That's more adventurous than the last hundred times I've done it. Anyway, (speaking to the audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." (Advertisements)

DJ: (Speaking to the audience) "Let's call Sara, shall we?" (Touch tones...*ringing*)

DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while anyway. He's also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, sooooo, do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sara: "No." DJ: "Good."

Brian: (laughing)

Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the Hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?"

Sara: "Oh, Brian."

DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World."

Sara: "All right."

Brian: (laughing)

DJ: "All right, when did you have sex last, Sara?"

Sara: "Oh God, Brian...this morning before going to work."

DJ: "What time?" Sara: "About 8, I think." (sound effect) DING DING DING.

DJ: "Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?"

Sara: "Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, maybe 14 minutes I think." DING DING DING.

DJ: "Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood."

DJ: "Last question: where did you do it?"

Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!?"

Brian: "Just tell him honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"

Sara: "Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: "SHE SAW?!?!"

Sara: "BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!"

Brian: "NO, no she didn't."

DJ: "Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. What's your answer?"

Sara: "Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this."

Brian: "Come on honey, it's for a trip to Florida."

DJ: "Let's go, Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?"

Sara: "In the ass." (long pause)

DJ: "We will be right back." (advertisements)

DJ: "I'm sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida. Congratulations guys!"

How To Tell When It's Time For A Vacation

Take this little Stress Test to find out whether you need a vacation.

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.

The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.

A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.

No Need to Reply, I'll be on Vacation Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out of it alive anyway.

Source: Thanks to Cathy for sharing this funny stress test joke

Wise Girl Talks to a Stranger on a Plane

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

Big Horn Sheep Walking Along The Dam Walls Of Buffalo Dam

Isn't it funny how Big Horn Sheep can just stroll along the dam walls without stumbling here at Buffalo Dam, just west of Wyoming. Here's a few pictures of them and a video to follow.

Blonde Lands On Sun

An American, Russian, and Blonde were talking one day. The American said, "we were the first on the moon!"

The Russian then turned and said, "We were the first to travel to space!"

The Blonde chimed in and said, "Yeah, so what? We're going to be the first to land on the sun!"

Both the American and Russian looked at one another and shook their heads. "It's impossible to land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up in a flash before you even reach it!"

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We are going to go at night!"

Understand This?

Let me see if I understand all this...

If you cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor.

If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely.

If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.

If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally you will be jailed.

If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.

If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.

Short Safari

Wouldn't want to imagine this happening to me! Never know who or what could creep up behind you... LOL

Amazing Miniatur Wunderland Model Railroad

This is so creative and amazing!


The Miniatur Wunderland model railroad in Hamburg, Germany is the largest in the world, covering 16,146 square feet of space with more than 10,000 train cars running around its 6.8 miles of HO scale track. Now, the makers of this huge layout have created a video that gives you a jaw-dropping look at the vast scope of this intricate work of art.

Its construction started in 2000, and is still underway, with a tiny airport due for completion by the end of this year. This is just the beginning - there are plans to double the layout by 2014. We especially like the Las Vegas portion, complete with dazzling LEDs lighting up the night.

You have to watch the new video above to get the full impact of this remarkable achievement, which has taken in excess of 500,000 working hours to build. There's a good reason why this is Germany's most popular attraction, already visited by more than 5 million flabbergasted tourists.

A Nun's Fortune

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.

WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED,AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.

ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL And ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.

IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO '