Funny Maxine Jokes

Funny Maxine Jokes.. these are always so hilarious.

Trip to the Dentist

The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."

Love Poem

Huge Fluffy Pillow

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.'

The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'

God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

Mischievous Old Grandmas

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'

The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.'

One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your

exact age.'

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

How Long for a Haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' 

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, How long before I can get a haircut?' 
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left. 
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' 

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'