Can You Run On Water? It's Called Liquid Mountaineering, Very Cool

This is awesome - Liquid Mountaineering. Run on water without any sort of magic. Very Cool.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How Long for a Haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' 

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, How long before I can get a haircut?' 
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left. 
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' 

No Hangover

Ralph and Charlie were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ralph said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Charlie says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Ralph wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings ... it's Charlie.

Charlie says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Ralph says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Charlie says, "I feel

Sleeping With Bob

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the

Dear John Response

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home which read:



The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty women he'd collected from his pals. There were a total of 57 photos in the envelope he sent back along with the following note:

An Italian Boy Confesses

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I d on't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now.

Was it Maria Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nin a Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her...'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My 2 lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you. '

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

4 months vacation and five good leads.

Getting Permission From the Wife to Golf

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second Guy:
'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'

Funny Drunken Story of the Month

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, Looks at the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked.

Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says..

'Grandpa, Go home! You're drunk again.....!!!!

Bragging About Kids

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a ...{full joke}

Thank you for Shopping at Walmart

Another hilarious joke. I love this one.

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.'
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

I used to have this joke but couldn't find it, so thank you redrockabilly from yuwiehotties for sharing this with us!

No Speaka Guda English

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi '."

I lay bets you're gonna read this again!

The Hunters and the Lion

These two hunters have been hunting companions for more than 25 years and by now not only knew each other well but also very set in their hunting ways.

One day, while walking through the thick Savannah bush, the one suddenly stopped and started rubbing his stomach.

The other asked him,"what's wrong" on which he replied, "it's my stomach, must have been all the meat that we had for supper last night"

His friend then replied, "now that you mention it, I don't feel that well myself" and promptly they placed their rifles against a nearby bush and squatted for a......? (you know what I mean)

They were still squatted down, when a big old male Lion comes walking around the bush, jerks to a stop when he smells and sees them and growles at them.

Shocked to be caught in this position and without a rifle in his hand, the one hunter nudges the other with the elbow and asks, "Hey Bud, are you scared?". "No", says his buddy, "why do you ask"?

"Well", replied the first, "why then are you wiping my ass?"

Thanks Jannos for these great jokes!

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, Who's horny.....?!!!" and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

Designated Drunk

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.