Some Funny True Signs

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

Funny Pick Up Lines

Some pretty funny pick up lines.

Another Funny Trojan Commercial - Twisted Though! LOL

Sure seems to be a lot of funny Trojan commercials lol. Here's another! lol

Funny, Witty One Liners - Best I've Heard

100 Funny, Witty One Line Gooders

1. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
2. What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
3. Who stopped payment on my reality check?
4. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
5. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
6. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
7. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
8. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. Born Free - Taxed to Death.
11. Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
12. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
14. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
15. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
16. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
17. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
18. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
19. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
20. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
21. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
22. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
23. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
24. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
25. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
26. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
27. Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
28. I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
29. Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
30. The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
31. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
32. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
33. If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
34. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
35. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
36. Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
37. Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too.
38. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
39. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
40. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
41. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
42. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
43. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
44. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
45. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
46. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
47. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
48. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
49. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
50. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Be Strong Honey!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

Lost In Lowe's

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe’s Building Supply when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The old guy says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she’s 24 yrs old, tall, with long blonde hair, big blue eyes, long

Study On Women's Attraction

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA 's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is

Melt Down

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.


No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that wouldn't melt would marry her and inherit all of the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.