Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
One Day When Heaven Became Crowded
One day in Heaven, it became quite crowded, so a decision was made for just one day to only accept those people who passed away while having a very bad day.
At the pearly gates of Heaven, St. Peter stood and said to the first man, "Tell me about your day and how you died."
The man replied, "Oh, it was terrible. I was convinced that my wife was having an affair with another man, so I went home early expecting to catch her with him. I looked everywhere in our apartment, but had no luck finding him anywhere. I then went out on the balcony, way up on the 25th floor, and found some guy literally hanging over the edge by just his fingertips. I ran inside, grabbed a hammer, and hammered his hands. He ended up falling and landed in the bushes below. After that, I went to the fridge and was so angered that I managed to push it over the balcony and watched it crush the guy. The strain of the act caused me to have a heart attack, which ended up killing me."
St. Peter could not deny that this man had a pretty bad day, and seeing that it was a crime of passion, he allowed the man into Heaven.
Next man in line was asked the same question about how his day was when he died.
"Well, sir, it was painful and brutal. "I was exercising on the balcony of my apartment on the 26th floor, doing aerobics when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grip onto the balcony of the apartment below, then some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. I ended up falling and luckily landed in the bushes. All of a sudden, the same maniac pushed his refrigerator off the balcony and it crushed me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and thought to himself that he could really start to enjoy this job.
"Tell me about your day and how you died?” he said to the third man waiting in line to get into Heaven.
"Well okay, picture me purely naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."
35 Tips On How To Relieve, Avoid And Reduce Stress
Although a good sense of humor can't cure everything, it does prove to have many benefits to laughter, therefore, relieving stress.
Here's 35 ways to Relieve, Avoid And Reduce stress:
Into each life some stress must fall. But when "some" turns into "too much", try a few of these stress building tips.
Stress can be related to unhappy or happy events. It can be triggered by trivial matters as well as major life crises. It also builds up gradually when you have more things to do than time in which to do them. Some doctors believe that 90% of all illnesses are stress related. But stress is not necessarily bad. A life without it would be stagnant and boring.
There are many practical ways to avoid, reduce or relieve stress.
Relieving Stress:
Live your life to its fullest (Carpe diem - a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace that has become an aphorism. It is popularly translated as "seize the day". Carpe literally means "to pick, pluck, pluck off, cull, crop, gather", but Ovid used the word in the sense of, "to enjoy, seize, use, make use of".
(Source of the above last paragraph on Carpe Diem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpe_diem)
Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts on this topic. I'm sure you have more Stress reducers you can add to this list. There's plenty of ways to reduce stress, it's just a matter of finding what works for you.
Here's 35 ways to Relieve, Avoid And Reduce stress:
Into each life some stress must fall. But when "some" turns into "too much", try a few of these stress building tips.
Stress can be related to unhappy or happy events. It can be triggered by trivial matters as well as major life crises. It also builds up gradually when you have more things to do than time in which to do them. Some doctors believe that 90% of all illnesses are stress related. But stress is not necessarily bad. A life without it would be stagnant and boring.
There are many practical ways to avoid, reduce or relieve stress.
Relieving Stress:
- Touch - hold hands, stroke a pet, hug someone you love. Physical contact is one of the best stress relievers there is.
- Find fun ways that are enjoyable to exercise. Breathe deep, stretch your muscles often, skip rope, go for a bike ride, jog - do something active and fun.
- Get things that are troubling off your chest. Bottling up feelings increase stress. Feel free to rant or complain, express your disappointment, if someone hurts your feelings, tell them.
- Talk to an understanding friend or loving relative. A sympathetic listener can be quite helpful. They become "band-aid friends". A band-aid friend helps prevent you from bleeding to death. You must find one if you don't already have one!
- Schedule more fun. Don't give up seeing friends and doing the things you enjoy because you "have too much to do." Work goes faster and produces less stress when fun is a part of your life.
- Get a Massage. Treat yourself and notice your tension melt away under the touch of experienced fingers. Even a talented amateur such as a friend can do a great job.
- Prepare yourself to be patient and wait. Long lines anywhere or a delay at the dentist's office is almost pleasant with a great book in hand.
- Find the Humor in everything. Every disaster has something funny about it.
- Lower your standards to be more relaxed. Doing everything perfectly is not only unnecessary, it's boring. Ignore some of the dirt.
- Get help with jobs you struggle with. Whether it's paying bills, defrosting the refrigerator, cleaning out the oven...whatever it is, beg, barter or pay someone to help; it's worth it.
- Establish a Serene Island of your own - a comfortable chair in a corner will do, or get propped up in bed with a book or watch some TV.
- Change your perspective. This can be tricky, but instead of worrying about what will happen if, try asking yourself "So what?" So what if a birthday gift is late. Late is better than never. Even if our worst fears are realized, they often turn out to be not as bad as we perceived or thought.
- Count your blessings. No disaster is so bad that it couldn't be worse - it truly helps to remember that in any bad situation.
- Unclutter your life. Get rid of things you never use; activities you don't enjoy. Anything you can do to simplify your life helps reduce stress.
- Pamper Yourself.
- Get plenty of rest and sleep; our body and mind need this to recoup.
- Learn to use relaxation techniques.
- Find a new hobby. Or, if you have one you gave up on, try getting involved with it again.
- Search the Internet for good joke websites that contain a variety of funny jokes, funny pictures and funny videos. You can use the Google search embedded on this blog (near the top right corner) for funny jokes galore or whatever you feel in the mood for that you think will make you laugh. If you haven't seen the most hilarious, funniest Maxine jokes, you must see them. You can see some of them if you click here. I hope you get a huge laugh as I and so many others have and still do.
- Try getting up earlier in the morning. Give yourself an extra 15 minutes to help avoid morning mishaps.
- Prepare for morning the night before. This way you will not be scrambling in the morning and feel rushed to get prepared for your day.
- Never wear ill or tight fitting clothes. Shoes that pinch or a waistband that binds can be bothersome and stressful all day.
- Don't rely on your memory. Practice making notes for yourself on things to do and remember.
- Practice preventative maintenance. Keep automobiles, heaters, air conditioners, washers, dryers, etc., cleaned and serviced. You'll find you'll have fewer breakdowns.
- Make duplicates of all keys. Exchange house and car keys with a trusted neighbor or hide them where you alone can get to them.
- Say 'No" more often. Learn to turn down invitations, requests and activities you have no interest in; without feeling bad or guilty.
- Walk everywhere you can. Exercise has a soothing effect.
- Play games with your kids if you have any, or loved ones such as trusting family members. Make up new games or change up the game rules on an existing game to add some spunk. It's creative and can be very humorous for all.
- Trust your irritation level.
- Be patient.
- Take one step at a time.
- There are unlimited options.
- Coping skills are learned so they can be changed.
- Increase your available skills.
- Self-responsibility is required.
Ways to Avoid Stress:
Points to Remember:
Live your life to its fullest (Carpe diem - a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace that has become an aphorism. It is popularly translated as "seize the day". Carpe literally means "to pick, pluck, pluck off, cull, crop, gather", but Ovid used the word in the sense of, "to enjoy, seize, use, make use of".
(Source of the above last paragraph on Carpe Diem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpe_diem)
Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts on this topic. I'm sure you have more Stress reducers you can add to this list. There's plenty of ways to reduce stress, it's just a matter of finding what works for you.
Can You Run On Water? It's Called Liquid Mountaineering, Very Cool
This is awesome - Liquid Mountaineering. Run on water without any sort of magic. Very Cool.
Amazingly Talented Pit Bull With Major Energy - Awesome Video
Incredible Pit Bull with massive energy and extreme talent. Truly Amazing. How would you like to take this Pitty out for a run every day? lol
Laughter Is the Master Of ALL Medicine
What are your thoughts on laughter and what types of things make you laugh the most? I'd love to hear from you. Even if you have a funny story or something that you wish to share. I'd be most happy to post it here with your permission. Or just share your views of laughter and humor. We need more of it (I think) because it's so vital to our lives.
I've heard somewhere before that human beings are the only species that are capable of laughter, but I recently heard that laughter is believed to have evolved from our ancient primate ancestors "panting behavior". Instead of laughing like humans, apes pant when tickled or play socially.
Other animals make different sounds when playing, but they are so different that it's difficult to equate them with laughter like humans. For instance, rats make high-pitched vocal sounds when playing or tickled.
On average, most adults laugh about 17 times per day. Children laugh more because they play more.
Everyone laughs, yet not all of us find the same things to be funny. Additionally, we find different things to be humorous at different stages of our life.
Laughing 100 times is equivalent to a 10 minute work out on a rowing machine, or 15 minutes on an exercise bike according to scientific studies.Laughter can benefit us physically, psychologically and physiologically.
Laughing not only exercises our facial muscles, it also exercises the abdomen, respiratory, diaphragm, leg and back muscles. It's the easiest form of exercise there is.
Laughter also benefits us by reducing stress levels, lowering blood pressure, providing a coping mechanism for handling undesirable situations, promotes healing, increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood and it improves our metal health overall.
We can't just simply make a decision to laugh, laughter happens unconsciously. Laughter is hard to fake; even though we can consciously inhibit it, it's not as if we consciously produce it.
We laugh when we hear sounds of laughter because it's also very contagious.
We find jokes to be funny for many of different reasons. Sometimes they make us feel superior to others, they can reduce anxiety-provoking situations, but the most popular theory is due to of incongruity; when we are surprised at the end.
May you laugh lots, live happily, stay healthy and enjoy life always. :0)
P.S. Don't forget to share some of your thoughts if you don't mind please. Just leave a comment here. Thanks so much.
I've heard somewhere before that human beings are the only species that are capable of laughter, but I recently heard that laughter is believed to have evolved from our ancient primate ancestors "panting behavior". Instead of laughing like humans, apes pant when tickled or play socially.
Other animals make different sounds when playing, but they are so different that it's difficult to equate them with laughter like humans. For instance, rats make high-pitched vocal sounds when playing or tickled.
On average, most adults laugh about 17 times per day. Children laugh more because they play more.
Everyone laughs, yet not all of us find the same things to be funny. Additionally, we find different things to be humorous at different stages of our life.
Laughing 100 times is equivalent to a 10 minute work out on a rowing machine, or 15 minutes on an exercise bike according to scientific studies.Laughter can benefit us physically, psychologically and physiologically.
Laughing not only exercises our facial muscles, it also exercises the abdomen, respiratory, diaphragm, leg and back muscles. It's the easiest form of exercise there is.
Laughter also benefits us by reducing stress levels, lowering blood pressure, providing a coping mechanism for handling undesirable situations, promotes healing, increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood and it improves our metal health overall.
We can't just simply make a decision to laugh, laughter happens unconsciously. Laughter is hard to fake; even though we can consciously inhibit it, it's not as if we consciously produce it.
We laugh when we hear sounds of laughter because it's also very contagious.
We find jokes to be funny for many of different reasons. Sometimes they make us feel superior to others, they can reduce anxiety-provoking situations, but the most popular theory is due to of incongruity; when we are surprised at the end.
May you laugh lots, live happily, stay healthy and enjoy life always. :0)
P.S. Don't forget to share some of your thoughts if you don't mind please. Just leave a comment here. Thanks so much.
Blonde Walking Along The River
Another funny blonde joke for those who like them...
A blonde was out walking along the river getting some exercise when she spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she hollers, "how can I get to the other side?"
The other blonde glances up the river and then down the river and hollers back, "You ARE on the other side!"
A blonde was out walking along the river getting some exercise when she spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she hollers, "how can I get to the other side?"
The other blonde glances up the river and then down the river and hollers back, "You ARE on the other side!"
Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
Some Musings On Old Age
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'.
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also,
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'.
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also,
For 5 Pounds
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.
'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!'
He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realized she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.
'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!'
He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realized she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been
Interview With The Youth Club Leader
A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a youth club:
Interviewer: "So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure outing?"
Mr. Jones: "We're going to teach them mountain climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
Interviewer: "Shooting!? That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."
Interviewer: "Don't you agree that's a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they touch any firearms."
Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
Mr. Jones: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one, are you?"
Interviewer: "So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure outing?"
Mr. Jones: "We're going to teach them mountain climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
Interviewer: "Shooting!? That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."
Interviewer: "Don't you agree that's a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they touch any firearms."
Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
Mr. Jones: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one, are you?"
Importance of Walking
- Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
- My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old, and we haven't a clue where the hell he is.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to actually go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
- I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough.
- We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our skulls. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
- Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
Poor Paddy
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day & most of the night.
Mick, the bartender, says "You won't be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy." Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way den."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" he cries.
He looks to the doorway and says to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on his face.
"Bejesus . . I'm fockin' focked," says he.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and collapses inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way."
But he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I can make it to the bed."
Again he pulls himself up by the door frame, takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did, Jess, I did. I was fockin' pissed, and how did you know?"
"Mick the bartender phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."
Mick, the bartender, says "You won't be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy." Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way den."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" he cries.
He looks to the doorway and says to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on his face.
"Bejesus . . I'm fockin' focked," says he.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and collapses inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way."
But he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I can make it to the bed."
Again he pulls himself up by the door frame, takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did, Jess, I did. I was fockin' pissed, and how did you know?"
"Mick the bartender phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."
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