Funny Radio Show Gig

A good friend of mine sent me this hilarious joke, who got it from http://www.activejokes.com. I hope you get a good laugh out of it..

You know how they do gigs on radio shows sometimes? Well, this is what happened on this particular radio show one day; it was live:

On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If they are, then the person is asked three private, personal questions and the significant others name as well as their work number. If the significant other answers each question the same, then they are winners. This particular day it got real interesting and very funny:

DJ: "HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

DJ: "What is your name? First name only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Are you married or what Brian?"

Brian: "Yep."

DJ: "Yes? Does this mean you are 'married' or what, Brian?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes I'm married."

DJ: "Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what's your wife's name? First only please, Brian."

Brian: "Sara."0

DJ: "Is Sara at work Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work right now?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes she is at work."0

DJ: "All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She's gonna kill me."

DJ: "BRIAN! Stay with me here man."

Brian: "About 8 this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Okay, Question #2: How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You must really want that trip huh? No one would ever have admitted that if it there weren't a trip at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, it would be really nice."

DJ: "Okay, final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I ummmmm..."

DJ: "Ooh this sounds good Brian; where was it?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time."

DJ: "Ooooooh, sneaky boy!"

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great? That's more adventurous than the last hundred times I've done it. Anyway, (speaking to the audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." (Advertisements)

DJ: (Speaking to the audience) "Let's call Sara, shall we?" (Touch tones...*ringing*)

DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while anyway. He's also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, sooooo, do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sara: "No." DJ: "Good."

Brian: (laughing)

Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the Hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?"

Sara: "Oh, Brian."

DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World."

Sara: "All right."

Brian: (laughing)

DJ: "All right, when did you have sex last, Sara?"

Sara: "Oh God, Brian...this morning before going to work."

DJ: "What time?" Sara: "About 8, I think." (sound effect) DING DING DING.

DJ: "Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?"

Sara: "Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, maybe 14 minutes I think." DING DING DING.

DJ: "Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood."

DJ: "Last question: where did you do it?"

Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!?"

Brian: "Just tell him honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"

Sara: "Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: "SHE SAW?!?!"

Sara: "BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!"

Brian: "NO, no she didn't."

DJ: "Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. What's your answer?"

Sara: "Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this."

Brian: "Come on honey, it's for a trip to Florida."

DJ: "Let's go, Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?"

Sara: "In the ass." (long pause)

DJ: "We will be right back." (advertisements)

DJ: "I'm sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida. Congratulations guys!"

Talk About Jabby!

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Source: http://www.mustsharejokes.com

This "Dumb Blonde" Video Takes The Cake on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader"

Dumb Blonde on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader"... or 3rd Grader in this case! LOL

 

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers!

Another Funny Trojan Commercial - Twisted Though! LOL

Sure seems to be a lot of funny Trojan commercials lol. Here's another! lol

Pass or Fail the Wedding Test

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

Study On Women's Attraction

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA 's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is

A Nun's Fortune

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.

WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED,AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.

ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL And ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.

IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO '

Female Hormones In Beer

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, April 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 beers within a one (1) hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating

No further testing was considered necessary!!

Do You Have A Strange Mind?

Eonverye taht can raed tihs rsaie yuor hnad.



Fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

What Starts With F And Ends With K

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry y waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principa l: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he ... (full joke)

Hilarious, Witty Smart Ass Answers

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Eddy, seated in front.
"Uh.. What are my choices?" Eddy asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate checking tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she responded, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family, so she asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

A police officer stepped out of his car, walked over to the kid he stopped for speeding and gestured him to roll down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
The kid replied, "Oh yeah? Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway when he notices a sign that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up, gets out of his car and walks over to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not making it in tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly replies, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Take the Banana Test

There's a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals:
A Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who could get the banana off the tree the quickest.

Who do you think will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. So think about it carefully. Try answering within 30 seconds. Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.











If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe = you're a total moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're overworked and stressed. You really should take some time off to relax!

Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director: “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?”

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I see," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Old Rooster

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs.

"You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."