Hilarious, Witty Smart Ass Answers

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Eddy, seated in front.
"Uh.. What are my choices?" Eddy asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate checking tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she responded, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family, so she asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

A police officer stepped out of his car, walked over to the kid he stopped for speeding and gestured him to roll down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
The kid replied, "Oh yeah? Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway when he notices a sign that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up, gets out of his car and walks over to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not making it in tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly replies, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."