Show and Tell Day

Middle Wife - by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher. This is very funny.

I've been teaching for about fifteen years and have two precious kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I encountered in my second grade classroom a few years ago.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few sessions with my students. It actually helps them get over shyness. Normally, show-and-tell is pretty calm and painless. Kids have brought pet turtles, airplane models, pictures of fish they've caught, etc. I never set any boundaries or limitations on what the kids bring. If they want to haul anything into the school and discuss, I say bring it on.

Well, one day a very outgoing and bright little girl, Erica, goes to take her turn and waddles up to the front of the classroom with a pillow shoved under her shirt. She holds up a picture of an infant and says, "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to talk about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my Mommy's tummy, and Luke grew inside there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids watched her in amazement.

Erica continues with her story, "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mommy starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' She puts one hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like 1 hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" (Now this girl's doing a hilarious duck waddle and groaning.) "My Dad called the middle wife who delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mommy to lie down in bed like this. (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall) And then, POP! My Mommy had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and splashed all over the bed, like psschhheew! (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands imitating water flowing away. It was too much!) Then the middle wife started saying, 'push, push, push' and 'breathe, breathe, breathe. They ... {full joke}