Some Funny True Signs

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!

Have You Heard Of This New Women's Ass Size Study?

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big. 
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small. 
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married  him anyway.

Source: My good old friend, Cathy e-mailed this funny joke to me. Thanks for sharing this funny joke, Cathy lol :)

Tattoo Funny Facts

Some funny facts about Tattoos I stumbled upon here.

1. A restaurant in Ohio that specializes in burgers offers a lifetime 25% discount for people who have a tattoo of a cheeseburger on their body.
2. Women love to get tattooed more than men.
3. Scientifically, getting a tattoo is a medical procedure.
4. Once, thomas edition invented a machine, that finally turned out to be used as a tattoo machine after being modified by samuel o’reilly in 1891.
5. In 2005, a lady named Kimberly Smith was paid $10k to get a tattoo by the name “palace.com” on her forehead. This amount helped her pay her daughter’s education fees.
6. 6. Thomas edison had 5 dots that looked like the dots on a dice. The dots were on his left forearm.
7. People in many traditions get their children tattoed to protect them from evil spirits and energies.
8. At NYC’s, anil gupta is considered the most expensive tattoo artist who charges more than $300 per hour.
9. Tattooing has been used as a way of smuggling secret messages across enemy lines in times of war.
10. The oldest tattooed body known is a Bronze Age man over 5,000 years old, discovered in a glacier in the mountains near Austria.
11. In 13th century China, tattooing was used to brand criminals.
12. The most common body area for tattooing is the upper or lower arm.

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers! 

Why Men Can Pee Standing Up

Who Enjoys a Certain 'Act' More; Women or Men?

Time to really test your sense of humor.

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this--When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

Thanks to Rich Costick for sharing this hilarious joke!

Feel free to share a good joke or any funny content like videos, stories, quotes, etc. if you have some that are not already on this website. Cheers!  

Funny Pick Up Lines

Some pretty funny pick up lines.

Hilarious Various Short Quotes

Mischievous Old Grandmas

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'

The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.'

One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your

exact age.'

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

Great Come Back

This is too funny! What a come back! lmao

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a

9 Words Women Use - Hidden Meanings

These are hilarious... and yes there's some funny hidden messages relating to guys too which can be found here. (lol)

Hidden Meanings Behind 9 Words Women Use:

1. Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she's wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.
6. That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
   
   

Deck of Playing Cards for the Women

A Perfect deck of playing cards - for those with a bit of a sick sense of humour for twisted jokes. Or at least for the women who have said that men are like a deck of playing cards. lol

Waiting For A Perfect Man

Bit of dark humour... women waiting for the perfect men end up like this. LOL

What Contains Female Hormones?

What... you ask... well, it's beer...Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Beer contains female hormones!

Last month, April 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank

Study On Women's Attraction

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA 's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is

Trading Sexes

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through.

So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was

Women VS Men - Hidden Messages

Hidden Messages

Women's Terms

• Yes = No
• No = Yes
• Maybe = No
• We need = I want..
• I am sorry = you'll be sorry
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
• Do what you want = You will pay for this later
• I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
• Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
• You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
• Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
• How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

Men's Terms

• I am hungry = I am hungry
• I am sleepy = am sleepy
• I am tired = I am tired
• Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
• I love you = Let's have sex now
• I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
• What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
• May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
• Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
• Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
• Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
• Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
• You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 minutes.
• Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
• I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Nasty Prank On Christmas Morning

This is a joke about a couple who had been married for several years.

The only friction in their marriage was that the husband would constantly fart very loudly upon waking each morning. The smell would make his wife's eyes water and she'd gasp for air.

Each morning she'd beg and plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her ill.

He advised her it couldn't be stopped and that it was totally natural.

She told him he needs to see a doctor and that she was concerned that one of these days he'd blow his guts out.

As the years went by, he continued to let them rip. Then, one Christmas morning as the husband was sound asleep upstairs, the wife was preparing a turkey for dinner. She looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the other spare parts and a malicious thought popped in her mind.

She ended up taking the bowl upstairs to where her hubby was sleeping and she gently pulled the covers back, pulled the elastic waistband back of his underwear and poured the bowl of turkey guts down his shorts.

Later she heard her husband wake with his usual trumpeting, followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic foot stomps as he stormed to the bathroom.

His wife could barely contain herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes. She reckoned after years of torture she'd finally got revenge.

Approximately half an hour later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained undies with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was wrong. He replied, "Darling, you were right. All these years of you warning me and I hadn't listened to you.

"What do you mean?" Asked his wife.

"Well, you always warned me that one of these days I'd end up farting my guts out, and it finally happened today!"

But, by the grace of God, with some Vaseline and my two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!"

Women VS Men

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
____________________________________________

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $10, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
____________________________________________

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
____________________________________________

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
____________________________________________

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

____________________________________________

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men throw things at cats.

____________________________________________

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
____________________________________________

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________________________________________

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change... but she does.
____________________________________________

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man may put on shoes for weddings and funerals.
____________________________________________

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

____________________________________________

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about romances and dentist appointments, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

____________________________________________

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Maxine's Found Her Match

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle it!

AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'...

FBI Job Try Out

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .Kill her!!"