Inside Minds Of Most Men

If you think you're fat, you probably are, so don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he could find the perfect present, again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Get rid of your cat; it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes; what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with 'your' dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

Check your oil.

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we determine how pretty you are?

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses give up their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Telling us that the models in the mens magazines are airbrushed makes you appear jealous and insecure and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.