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Dam Fish

By: Bonnie W On: Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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  • There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
    He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
    A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

    The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
    His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

    The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.
    When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
    His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the f*k#=+g potatoes!"

    FBI Job Try Out

    By: Bonnie W On: Tuesday, February 26, 2008
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  • The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

    "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .Kill her!!"

    Marijuana Filled Firewood

    By: Bonnie W On: Monday, February 18, 2008
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  • "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
    "Yes. What can I do for you?"
    "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

    Important Medical Information!

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 15, 2008
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  • This is hilarious medical news!

    In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
    For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
    Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

    Compassionate Lawyer

    By: Bonnie W On: Sunday, February 10, 2008
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  • One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

    Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

    "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

    "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

    "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

    Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

    The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

    "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

    They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

    Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

    The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place............The grass is almost a foot high."

    Mom, What's That?

    By: Bonnie W On: Sunday, February 10, 2008
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  • A little girl asked her mom, "What is a penis?
    "Her mom said, "It's that thing between Daddy's legs."
    The girl asked, "Well, what is a prick??"
    Her mom answered, "That's the rest of Daddy."

    Why Parents Drink

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello? "

    "Is your daddy home?" he asked.

    "Yes ,"whispered the small voice.

    May I talk with him?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes."

    "May I talk with her?"

    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child," a policeman".

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy ", whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

    "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME."

    Nutty Squirrel

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • This is quite comical I must say... check it out! Hilarious squirrely squirrel!










    More Hilarious Maxine Cartoons

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • I never get tired of housework - I don't do any. When guests come to visit I just put down dropcloths and say, "We're painting."












    The Silent Treatment

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was ... {full joke}

    Who Should Do What

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
    Husband replies, 'I can't believe ... {full joke}

    Creation

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to ... {full joke}

    How Many Words We Use Per Day

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason ... {full joke}

    Wife VS. Husband

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives ... {full joke}

    Women's Revenge

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

    Woman's Perfect Breakfast

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    Incredibly Cool Wood Sculptures

    By: Bonnie W On: Friday, February 08, 2008
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  • These are the most amazing wood sculptures I've ever seen. Looks like this guy who made them has a ton of creativity and a whole lot of time on his hands.