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A Canadian Blonde's Definition of Easter

By: Unknown On: Tuesday, September 06, 2011
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  • Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter.
    He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
    The first blonde, an American,  said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
    St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and  he banished her to Hell.
    The second blonde, a Brit,  said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.
    The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
    She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder... "
    St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
    Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
    St. Peter fainted.

    Some Last Words

    By: Unknown On: Tuesday, September 06, 2011
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  • Browsing Old Cemeteries

    A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
    And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...
    Some funny fascinating and hilarious things on old tombstones!

    Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
    Born 1903--Died 1942.
    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
    In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
    Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
    On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
    Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The Good Die Young.
    In a London , England cemetery:
    Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
    In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
    Anna Wallace
    The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace
    wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
    In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
    Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him for not rising.
    In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
    Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
    In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
    Here lays The Kid.
    We planted him raw.
    He was quick on the trigger
    But slow on the draw.
    A lawyer's epitaph in England :
    Sir John Strange.
    Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
    John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
    England , cemetery:
    Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
    Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
    In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
    On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
    Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont :
    Here lies the body of our Anna,
    Done to death by a banana.
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.
    On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :
    Under the sod and under the trees,
    Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
    He is not here, there's only the pod.
    Pease shelled out and went to God.
    In a cemetery in England :
    Remember man, as you walk by,
    As you are now, so once was I.
    As I am now, so shall you be.
    Remember this and follow me.
    To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
    To follow you I'll not consent.
    Until I know which way you went.

    An Italian Boy's Confession

    By: Unknown On: Tuesday, September 06, 2011
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  • This could only happen with a little Italian kid..

    'Bless me Father, for I have sinned..  I have been with a loose girl'.

    The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
    'Yes, Father, it is.'

    'And who was the girl you were with?'
    'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

    Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

    Was it Maria Minetti?'
    'I cannot say.'

    'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
    'I'll never tell.'

    'Was it Nina Capelli?'
    'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her...'

    'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
    'My 2 lips are sealed.'

    'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
    'Please, Father, I cannot tell you. '

    The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

    4 months vacation and five good leads.