Shocking Answer

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions' to his first year medical students. Knowing it wasn't the most pleasant topic, he made an effort to try and lighten the mood a bit.

He pointed to a young lady sitting in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an ... {full joke}

No Proof, No Purchase

This little old lady went to the store to purchase some dog food where she was informed by the clerk that there was a new policy in place that enforces old ladies purchasing pet food to provide proof of pet ownership. They implemented the policy because apparently they've had old ladies go in and buy pet food for their pets and end up eating it themselves; so they now need to bring proof.

A little ticked, the old lady went back home, got her precious pooch, and returned to the store, then they sold her the dog food.

She returned to the store the following day to purchase food for her cat and was advised that the policy applied to cats too. So, the lady stormed out of the store and returned shortly after with her spiteful Whiskies and was approved to purchase the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went back yet again to the store; only this time, she was carrying a small black container. She brought it directly to the clerk and requested that she stick her hand inside of it.

"Why? What's in it?", the clerk asked.

"Oh, just put your hand in it and you'll see!", the old lady demanded.

"No thank you, how do I know there's nothing in it that won't chomp on me?"

"I can assure you, there's nothing in it that will bite you!"

After briefly hesitating, the clerk gave in and put her hand in the container. She felt the contents, immediately pulled them out to examine them screamed. ... {full joke}

When Guys Get Bored - Warning - Not for Kids!

I've got to warn you, make sure the kids aren't around when you click on this link! Extremely hysterical but only for adults.

Hilarious pictures of things guys do when they get bored.

Cup of Tea Daddy

When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy would be in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I'd bring Daddy a lil' cup of 'tea', which was really just water. After several cups of tea and tons of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom arrived and Daddy made her wait in the living room and watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was so precious and the "darlingish", sweetest thing ever at the time.My Mom stood and watched while I came down the hall with a lil' cup of tea for Daddy and observed him drink it all up and responded, "That's very cute and priceless Hun, but has it crossed your mind {full joke}

My Neighbor's a Peeping Tom

I know this girl who lives in an apartment on the fourth floor who's been experiencing some trouble with her neighbor. Even though this neighbor seems overall good natured, he's rather nosy and becoming a peeping Tom.Whenever she goes out on her patio to get some fresh air and bask a bit of sunshine in her bikini, her neighbor peeping Tom peeps over at her from his patio and watches her wide eyed as soon as she removes her top. She's already ... {full joke}

Poor Fella

Jack, a 90yrs young gentleman was used to playing golf every single day since he retired at only 24 years old.

Finally, the day came where Jack returned home from playing golf looking very sad and disappointed.

He turned to his wife and gave in, "That's it, I give up, I can't keep playing golf anymore because my eyesight is so bad to the point where I can't even see where the ball goes when I hit it."

Jack's wife tried to console him with a warm cup of tea. They sat down and she made a gesture to Jack. She said, "Why not ask my brother to go along with you, he has perfect eyesight?"

Jack replied, "How is he going to help, he's 100 years old!"

His wife said, "Yeah, well he may be a hundred years old, but as I said, he can see 20/20."

After thinking for a moment, Jack decided to give it one more shot. The next time he went along with the wife's brother in law. He gets teed up and takes a powerful swing; he can't see, just squinting away trying to see where the ball went. He asked his brother in law if he'd seen it and he replied, "yes, I sure did, remember, I have 20/20 vision!"

"Okay, great, where did it go then?" Jack questioned his in law.
"Oh, uh ... I can't remember."