Getting Canada Pension Without I.D.

Having reached the age of 62, I went to apply for Canada Pension last week. After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter. The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my wallet on the nightstand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was Very sorry, but I seemed to have left my wallet at home. "I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said.

At that point, she said to me, "Unbutton your shirt."

I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots of ... {full joke}

Just Wondering

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on.
So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?







Okay, I was just wondering, I didn't get one either.

Did God Send You?

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question: How did I get here?

Her mother told her, "God sent you."

She replied, "Did God send you, too?"

"Yes, Dear," the mother answered.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the girl persisted.

"He also sent them too" the mother said.

"Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child.

"Yes, Dear, He sure did," said the mother patiently.

"So in other words, you're telling me ... {full joke}

Headaches & Hypnotists

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?", the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly ... {full joke}