Funny And Extremely Clever, Talented Talking Bird

Wow, birds can be so funny. This one's incredibly talented! He can comprehend our English and interact in a conversation with his trainer. Clever, very clever and inspiring.

Cat With Baby Bunnies

I came across this cute funny video of a cat playing with baby bunnies lol.

Sexologist Visits

A middle aged married man and a married woman were having an affair and wanted to get a room, but the hotels were asking for $200/per room even for a short time; so they ended up going to a Sexologist Doctor and said that they had a sexual issue and they wanted him to watch whilst they did it. After it was over Doctor said they were quite okay and presented a bill for $100, which the man quickly paid it. This went on for quite some time as they went to his clinic every week. Ultimately Doctor couldn't resist anymore and asked them why they were paying $100 to him every week when their was perfect and both of them had pleasure at the same time within 10-15 minutes.
The man responded, "Doc, the hotels here charge $200 whereas you only charge us $100 with a bill for your consultancy which is accepted by the insurance company who also reimburse us $85; so I'm only out of pocket $15 and both us have pleasure without any problems at all".
Doctor replied, "Okay please carry on as long as you wish, but stay out of trouble".

Life Saving Pig

There was a salesman who was talking with a farmer when suddenly, this energetic pig with a wooden leg rushes out of the barn, squealing happily and snuggling up against the farmer. Curiosity got the best of the salesman and he grinned and asked: “How come that pig has a wooden leg?” The farmer glared at the salesman and warned him: “You best be careful what you say about this here pig. This pig is very special. I'll tell ya why... about a month ago we had a house fire when my wife and I were sleeping. This here pig came racing across the field, barged his snout against the window and because we heard it, we got saved. This pig saved our lives!” The salesman’s in awe. “Let me tell ya what else happened.

What A Deal

A young man goes into a local bar carrying an alligator and says to the patrons, “Ok everyone, have I got a deal for you. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and put my genitals inside. The gator should close his mouth for a minute, then open it, and I’ll take out my gens unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.” The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

Funny, Witty One Liners - Best I've Heard

100 Funny, Witty One Line Gooders

1. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
2. What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
3. Who stopped payment on my reality check?
4. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
5. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
6. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
7. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
8. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. Born Free - Taxed to Death.
11. Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
12. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
14. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
15. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
16. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
17. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
18. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
19. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
20. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
21. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
22. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
23. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
24. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
25. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
26. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
27. Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
28. I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
29. Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
30. The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
31. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
32. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
33. If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
34. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
35. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
36. Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
37. Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too.
38. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
39. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
40. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
41. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
42. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
43. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
44. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
45. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
46. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
47. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
48. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
49. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
50. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Confusion

As I was walking down the street one dark and dreary day,
I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay,
The words were torn and tattered,
From the storm the night before,
The wind and rain had done its work and this is how it goes,
Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes, chew Wrigleys spearmint beer,
Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your complection clear,
Simonize your baby in a Hershey candy bar,

Pass or Fail the Wedding Test

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

Are You Addicted to the Net?

Top Signs of Net Addiction

• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
• You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
• You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
• You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
• You start using smileys in your snail mail.
• Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.

Gigantic Belgian Monster Cows

Wow, Gigantic Belgian Monster Cows... oh my!

Look My Asshole Honey

I laughed so hard watching this hilarious video. I hope you enjoy it as much! lol

Best Ever Crazy Cats Caught on Camera...

Some of the most funniest, best ever cat videos... they always crack me up. . . way too funny!