Yes, I'm Tired!

Thought this was cute. Somehow, I managed to hold on to it for years (since High School) lol. So, the figures have changed since then, but still thought it was a great one to share.

For several years, I've been blaming it on age, poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, saccharin, weight, dieting, yellow wax build-up and a dozen maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.

But, I have found that these aren't the reasons.

The population of this country is 27 million.
7 million are retired.
That leaves 20 million to do all the work.
9 million are in school.
That leaves 11 million to do all the work.
2 million are unemployed and 4 million work for the Federal government.
That leaves 5 million to do all the work.
1 million are in the armed forces, and the other 3 million are employed by the Provincial, Regional, and Municipal governments; leaving only 1 million people to do all the work.
Now considering that there are 620,000 people in the hospitals and 379,998 people in prison, that leaves people to do all the work.
You and me.
And YOU are sitting on your ass reading this!
It's no wonder I'm tired!

Tiffany's

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks a wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

A Woman's Brain

Ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
It's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:


Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man, of course, has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.

Mother of the Year Inspiring True Story

Here's an amazing "AWE", yet funny story... absolutely shocking in the most spectacular sort of way! Definitely worth sharing!

MOTHER OF THE YEAR *You'll Love it!*

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into! a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops?
Take a look...you won't believe your eyes !!

Now, after reading this, tell me, why can't the rest of the world get along??

Gentle Thoughts For Today

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle...it makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is... a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time...but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight...because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is...to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates...is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody...you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong...you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is... so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age...and start bragging about it.

The older we get...the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way...I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth...think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old...when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is...that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful...but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper...It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!