Witty Things To Say

For those of you looking for some witty things to say...

• He who laughs last , didn't get it 
• Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
• Politicians and diapers have 1 thing in common; they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason
• I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. By Lily Tomlin
• Best time to give advice to children is while they're young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. By Evan Esar
• Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. By P. Poundstone
• I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
• Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing. - Alexander Woollcott 
• Jerome K. Jerome: "I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. By Will Rogers
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
• The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
• Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

There's some really funny witty things to say here also... they are hilarious one liner jokes. Enjoy :)

Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!