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Witty Things To Say

By: Bonnie W On: Thursday, February 23, 2012
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  • For those of you looking for some witty things to say...
    • He who laughs last , didn't get it 
    • Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
    • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
    • Politicians and diapers have 1 thing in common; they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason
    • I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. By Lily Tomlin
    • Best time to give advice to children is while they're young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. By Evan Esar
    • Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. By P. Poundstone
    • I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
    • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
    • Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing. - Alexander Woollcott 
    • Jerome K. Jerome: "I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours
    • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
    • Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. By Will Rogers
    • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
    • The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
    • Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
    There's some really funny witty things to say here also... they are hilarious one liner jokes. Enjoy :)

    Feel free to share a good joke if you have one that's not already on this website. Cheers!


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